I'm So Sorry
by Not-So-Wicked Witch
Summary: PreRENT. April can't live with HIV, but she doesn't want to leave Roger like this. Rated for character death. Oneshot. Implied Roger/April.


Disclaimer: I don't own Roger (I wish I did!) or April. They belong to Johnathan Larson, the genius behind RENT.

I first posted this story on my deviantART. It's gotten good reviews there, so let me know what you think!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April stood in the bathroom. In one hand, she held a tube of lipstick. The other contained a razor blade. In her purse was the piece of paper that had ruined her life, and in effect, ruined Roger's life too.

Yesterday, when Roger went to practice with his band, April had gotten and HIV test. The hospital called this morning to say that they had the results. She'd lied to Roger, telling him she was going to meet some friends.

April knew it was a possibility, but she'd hoped against hope that the test wouldn't come back positive. As she relived those minutes that happened only hours ago, it seemed as if a lifetime had passed.

'_Can I really do this to Roger?'_ she thought, _'He loves me. Can I possibly be this selfish? No, it's not selfish. I'd be helping Roger. He'd be better off without me. He wanted a relationship, all I gave him was an addiction and this disease.'_

"He'd be better off without me," April repeated aloud, her mind made up.

She uncapped the lipstick, her favorite shade of red, and carefully wrote her final message to Roger on the mirror.

We have AIDS

April locked the bathroom door, even though no one was home. Roger was at band practice, Mark was out filming, and only God knew where Collins had wandered off to. Not that April believed in God.

She started to fill the tub. As the water level climbed, she thought about it one more time.

'_This'll break Roger's heart. But, he's strong. He'll find someone new, who can really love him. I can't live with this disease inside me.'_

April shut off the flow. Without taking her clothes off, she climbed into the tub. The water was warm, but it didn't lessen her fear of what she was doing

She picked up the razor blade and brought it to her wrist. Warm, red blood met the cold, clear water. April watched her life trickle away and mix with the water in the tub. As her vision blurred, she whispered, "I'm so sorry Roger…"

Across town, Roger was finishing up a rehearsal.

"That was great guys!" he said as he jumped off the stage.

Quickly, he put his guitar away and left the club they were practicing in. Stopping at the nearest payphone, Roger popped a few quarters in and called the loft. Two rings later, he heard his and Mark's voices,

"SPEEEAAAK."

"April, babe," he said, "You home? I'm on my way. If you're there, just thought I'd let you know. If not, I've been talking to an empty loft, and I'll feel like an idiot. All right, bye."

Roger hung up and, whistling the band's latest song, resumed his walk home.

When Roger got to the loft, it was empty and quiet. Normally, that would mean April was out. He noticed something out of the ordinary; the bathroom door was closed. He crossed the living space and knocked on it.

"April, you in there?"

No answer.

Roger tried the knob; it was locked.

"April?" he asked again, raising his voice a bit.

Once again, silence. Fearing for April, Roger backed up and slammed his shoulder into the door, without success. He tried again, and heard the lock rattle. The third time, Roger managed to break the door open.

Seeing April's lifeless body in the bloody water, he turned and vomited into the sink. When nothing else would come up, Roger lifted his head. That was when he saw the message. Three simple words, but they were enough to make Roger dry heave one more time.

Not able to face the gruesome sight, he left the room, heading straight for the phone. Roger dialed the first number he could think of.

"911 operator, what is your emergency?"

He took a deep breath, "There's been a suicide."


End file.
